Weebles are a Bot's Worst Nightmare
by xXRetrobotXx
Summary: What happens when the Autobots figure out what a weeble is? And why does one try to eat Spike? Oneshot.


**A/N: I got this idea when my teacher mentioned Weebles a few weeks ago. The idea pestered me until I sat down and got it typed. If you don't know what a weeble is, google it. The story won't make sense without it. Enjoy. :)**

* * *

"Hey, Spike!" Jazz yelled, seeing the human boy crouching down in the base. "Whatcha go' there?"

The brunette turned. "Oh, hi Jazz. This is a new thing that just came out. It's called a Weeble."

Jazz closed the distance between them in a few huge steps. He studied it and frowned. "Wha's the point of it?" he questioned. Spike prodded it with a finger. The small plastic toy quivered and almost got knocked over, but rightend itself. The thing looked comical, being so small and refusing to fall over.

"You'd know if you've heard the theme song for it. _Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!_" Spike half-sung, half-chanted. When Jazz still looked confused, the boy merely shrugged and said, "It's entertainment for children. I found it on the side of the road."

"Lemme try," Jazz said, intrigued. Spike moved aside and the mech used a gargantuan finger to poke the toy. It violently swung side to side, but eventually stopped. The process was repeated a few more times. Jazz chuckled. "Tha's kinda amusin'," he admitted. Spike grinned.

* * *

Sideswipe wearily paced back to base. "Jet Judo is way easier if you've got a jet to practice on," he complained to his twin, who was walking next to him. Sunstreaker remained mute. Up ahead, Sideswipe could see Jazz standing with Spike. He wondered if Jazz was planning a prank. But Sideswipe knew it'd never be as good as his were. He and his twin were the best!

Then he heard Jazz say "Tha's kinda amusin'." Weariness forgotten, Sideswipe perked up and strode over to the pair, Sunstreaker following, much to the yellow mech's annoyance.

"What are you two doing?" Sideswipe asked. Jazz turned enough so that the frontliner could see a plastic child's toy on the ground. "_That_ is amusing?"

Jazz grinned goofy-like. "Try it."

Sideswipe approached it, then turned, confused. "What does it do?"

"You push it," Spike said, demonstrating. The toy wobbled back and forth, still standing up. Sideswipe's optics followed the thing's trail. It stopped, and the red bot nudged it with his pede. It wobbled again. He pushed it harder; it moved faster. A little bit harder, more violent shaking. Sideswipe's brow plates furrowed.

"What's the point of it?" he asked, confused.

"It won't fall over, not matter what you do," Spike explained. He grabbed the toy and balanced it on its head. Then he withdrew his hand and the toy did a few cartwheels, eventually just tottering and going still.

Sideswipe watched its progress. The thing looked, as the humans would say, retarded.

"Wha' do ya think?" asked Jazz.

"It'd be better if it was way bigger," Sideswipe shrugged. Next to him, Sunstreaker snorted.

"That thing is a waste of space," he commented haughtily. Jazz rolled his optics and returned to the toy. Sunstreaker turned away and went to his berth room. Sideswipe watched as Jazz's servos handled the toy gently and made it sway again. The lamborghini shrugged to himself and followed his brother.

* * *

**(Later that day...)**

* * *

Spike lead Wheeljack down the halls to where he'd left the Weeble. The scientist had been out helping Perceptor collect samples until a few minutes ago. He'd agreed to see the toy when Spike had explained its purpose and how Sideswipe said it'd be better if it was big. Spike thought it would be cool to see the bots try to topple it, if it was large enough for them, of course.

Reaching the entrance, he suddenly stopped, hearing some noise. He peeked around the corner.

Sideswipe was messing with the Weeble, and no one else was around. He had his brow plates furrowed in concentration. He nudged it with his pede over and over and it swung in the same pattern over and over. The mech was becoming frustrated. He pushed it harder, then all but kicked it.

"Fall over, you slaggin' hunk of junk!" he cried, kicking it with a force any football punter would've been jealous of. The Weeble flew through the air and hit the wall. The frail plastic crumpled upon impact with the metal that made up the wall.

"Sideswipe!" Spike cried, jumping out from his hiding place. "I needed that! **((A/N: Haha, TFP Ratchet moment there, right?)) **Wheeljack was gonna look at it!"

"It wouldn't stay down!" the frontliner said melodramatically.

"So you broke it?" Spike asked sternly. Sideswipe ducked his head a little, slightly ashamed.

"It was asking for it?" he tried hopefully. Spike glared at him.

"Now I have to go buy one," the human complained. He turned to Wheeljack. "Will you take me to the store?"

The red, white, and green scientist nodded. "Sure. I wanna see this 'Weeble' you make such a big deal about." He transformed into a slick race car and popped open a door for Spike. The human crawled in. He looked out windshield, glaring daggers at Sideswipe while Wheeljack backed up. He turned and sped out onto the road.

* * *

One drive to the store later, Spike was regretting asking Wheeljack to take him. Sure, the mech could pull of some spectacular moves in vehicle form, but he was passed what humans called speed demons. Heck, Spike didn't even know race cars could go that fast. Or Wheeljack just modified himself to do what felt like 300 miles per hour.

Spike got out of the mech, his finger hurting from clutching onto the seats so hard. 'Jack's holoform got out from the driver's side. He followed the wobbling human into the store. On an aisle marked 'Toys', the human found what he was looking for; one brand new Weeble that looked roughly like an adult male. He paid for it and led Wheeljack back out to his car form.

"Do you have to drive back that fast?" Spike asked, his voice betraying his shakiness. Wheeljack grinned evilly and didn't say anything.

Scared, Spike cautiously got back inside.

* * *

"And... It's finished!" Wheeljack proclaimed.

"With no explosions," Spike commented. Wheeljack rolled his optics. He grabbed the ginormous Weeble he had just built and set it on the ground next to Spike. The thing towered over the human by a good two feet. "How did you get it so big?"

"With some naturally occurring products found in a giant carnivorous plant on an unnamed planet," Wheeljack said, grabbing the Weeble and walking out the door, leaving Spike to stare after him for a moment.

_Carnivorous?_ He wondered, startled. Then he chased after the mech. Wheeljack was in the rec room, showing some bots his latest creation.

"What's its function?" asked Ratchet. Wheeljack demonstrated, pushing it over. "A training dummy?"

"No," Spike spoke up. "It's just a toy. That Wheeljack enlarged." Wheeljack grinned down at the human.

"With no explosions," he said proudly, echoing Spike's earlier words. Ratchet rolled his optics and walked off. Wheeljack tried to get Silverbolt interested in the project with little success. While the scientist was occupied, Spike tried to knock the Weeble over. It didn't move, so he heaved at it, throwing his weight at the toy. It wouldn't budge, and he leaned against it, panting. _What did Wheeljack put in this thing?_

Just then, Sideswipe came in from the training room, Sunstreaker close behind. His optics landed on the Weeble. "Sweet!" He rushed toward it. Spike jumped out of the mech's way. A splash of energon landed next to the human, falling from a small scratch on Sideswipe, who had gotten it from training. Sideswipe threw a punch at it, making the thing fall to the floor. It smacked the head against the metal ground, causing a metallic smash. Then it recoiled back up and hit Sideswipe on the helm hard enough to send him flying away. Everybot present laughed.

Spike snickered at the frontliner's misfortune. Sideswipe picked himself up from the floor, muttering curses and rubbing at a spot on his helm. The Weeble slowly went back to being stationary, its face mocking Sideswipe. A spot of energon was on its forehead, from where it had made contact with Sideswipe.

Wheeljack jumped forward, seeing this. "Sideswipe! Energon should _not_ come in contact with this!" he scolded, trying to wipe it away. Before he could, the energon was sucked into the Weeble. Wheeljack gaped at it. Sideswipe ducked, expecting an explosion. Nothing happened, except the Weeble vibrating a little.

Then Spike saw it move. Entranced, he watched it. The eyes blinked, suddenly moving to take in the whole room. "Guys!" he said, trying to get the bot's attention. Wheeljack was to busy scolding Sideswipe. Sunstreaker was checking his paint. Jazz was talking to Silverbolt, obviously about Sideswipe's latest fail. "GUYS!" he yelled as it suddenly caught sight of him. The bots all turned to look at the human. The oversized toy lunged for the human, opening its mouth to reveal sharp teeth. Spike screamed and ran to one side. The Weeble turned and glared at him. It fell to one side and started rolling, chasing Spike around the rec room.

"What did you do to it?!" Sunstreaker yelled, jumping aside as it barreled past him, Spike barely ahead of it.

"The, erm, plant juices I used to enlarge it might've come alive, um, when Sideswipe's energon came into contact with it," Wheeljack stuttered, watching the toy's progress around the room with wide optics.

"Well stop it!" Sunstreaker yelled. "It might scratch my finish!"

Spike completed another lap, running past the scientist while panting. "Stop... this... thing!" he yelled. The Weeble growled, determined to catch its prey.

"Spike! Keep running! The plant mixture I used to enlarge it has the side effect of making it have the carnivorous feature!" Wheeljack yelled, trying to catch the toy.

"I'm... trying!" He ran past Wheeljack again. The mech stepped in front of the toy, expecting it to stop. The bot's presence didn't seem to bother it. It simply rolled toward him, knocking Wheeljack over. Then it continued to chase Spike. The human darted between Sideswipe's legs, making the Weeble hit him. Sideswipe groaned as he came in contact with the floor again. Sunstreaker winced, feeling the pain through the bond with his twin.

Spike kept going, even when he felt like his legs were going to fall off. So far, the Weeble had knocked over everybot in the room at least once. Sideswipe had gone down three more times and Sunstreaker was grousing about his paint.

Then the door to the Communications room swung open and Blaster exited. Immediately, he fell, courtesy of the Weeble. "Ow! What's going on here?!" No bot bothered to explain it to him.

The door opened once more and Ironhide walked out, almost falling over Blaster. "What are you glitchheads doing?" he growled. The Weeble suddenly stopped, stood up, started at Ironhide, and growled. Ironhide growled right back, noticing Spike running out of the corner of his optic. He onlined a cannon and aimed at the Weeble, blowing it to pieces. The toy exploded in a fiery shower of sparks, plastic, and some unidentifiable green goo.

"And _there_ is the explosion, folks," Sunstreaker grumbled, brushing some smoking plastic pieces off his armor. Spike leaned over, hands on his knees, panting really hard. "Thanks... Ironhide," he gasped.

"Tha' shot was jus' a little overkill, don' ya think?" Jazz said.

Ironhide shrugged. "At least it got rid of that thing." Spike fell over then, holding his stomach.

The rumble of an engine announced somebot coming into the base then. A blue and red semi pulled in, transforming into the majestic figure of Optimus Prime. His optics landed on the sight of the room and he gaped slightly. His sight trailed over the shaking form of Spike, to the forms of several bots on the ground, to the sparking mass of burnt plastic on the floor. To top it off, Sunstreaker was walking off, muttering about his need to repaint himself.

"What is going on here?" Optimus rumbled.

"Um, sir," Wheeljack said, catching his attention. The scientist smiled slightly, looking for all the world like a human child caught doing something they shouldn't. "It' s a long story. You see...

* * *

**Haha, poor Sideswipe. He can't go anywhere without falling down, can he? Thanks for reading!**


End file.
